My Friend Jake

Here's my friend Jake (in the blue shorts). He's a boxer and trains at the Rumbleboy Gym in Golden Valley with a great bunch of people. I use to work with Jake a few years ago at advertising agency in their IT department.

Instead of greeting me each day with Good Morning (or any other words for that matter), Jake would flip me the bird. It was off-putting. But he also nearly kicked someone's ass when he saw them trying to push a beer on me after I had quit drinking. He nicknamed me "the Squirrel" at work for some reason (a devious one most likely), and had a nerf gun at his desk labeled "Squirrel Gun." He actually hunted squirrels for real on the weekend, which made it all the more disturbing. But when I talked with Jake, he always listened, and if he was talking he wanted me to listen. I always feel like I'm important to him when we're together and he certainly is to me.

Right now Jake's a pretty banged up and in the hospital. I went to go see him tonight. I showed up during a shift change and so couldn't go in right away but got to meet his mom, embrace and talk with his wife, and catch up with a friend. The crowd of friends and family assembled there for him caught me off-guard.

Later I had a chance to go in and talk to him a bit. A good friend walked me down to his ICU 

and held my hand. He was unconscious and on a respirator, tubes, bandages, and eyes closed. After my friend spoke with him, I went over and held his hand and talked with him for a while-"...you're a good friend, I'd do anything for you as I know you would for me, your wife and family are all here for you, they are being extremely strong and you should be honored by their devotion, I'm sending you every ounce of my strength, take the time you need and help your body heal itself, you mean so much to me, to everyone, I don't want to see the world without you." Even though he was unconcious, I believe saying the words was important.

Some of it felt selfish, it's hard not to feel totally selfish at times like these I think, feeling so overwhelmed with emotion, so in need of comfort yourself, and so uncomfortable and awkward. But being there with everyone, without judgement, just talking and listening, it all made it seem tolerable for the moment. I talked with a friend later about seeing Jake, and then after that wrote her a note and thanked her for just letting me be such a mess without interference and without judgement. That is a gift.

I had been terrified to go visit Jake for the last few days but also torn up inside not being there. Another friend gave me some advice the night before that got me there today. In response to my question of what I should do even though he was unconscious, she replied "You go and talk to them." And to counter my whining about how selfish I felt, and how could I make it about him and not myself, she simply wrote "Be strong for him." I took the advice, showed up, saw my friend. I'm all the better for it. It is my hope that somehow he will also be the better for it too.